A Journey for Me

Finding your own way while following a trail…

Back in April of 2020…. when the reality of COVID had finally settled in; I was struggling. Crippling anxiety and seasonal depression. Chronic pain I’ve been battling flared up with a vengeance. Schools and stores and gyms were closed. Shows and events canceled. Everything was falling apart and so was I….

I needed something to give. Something for me. A goal to keep me fighting. Otherwise, my spirit was so low there were thoughts that I was just going to let it take me away.

I had already been on a few trails, drawn to the peace and solitude out there in the trees. I had wanted to explore. I’m not much of a Girl Scout, but being out there made me feel more alive than anything else ever had. I decided I was going to try to walk a certain number of trail miles. Finish them before Labor Day. Did the math…. and 250 seemed like a good number at the time. Totally do-able.

Over time, some of those miles blurred into each other. I went back to familiar places. I went to new places. I pushed myself to create my own routes through the trails. I remember the first time I walked 6 miles in one trip alone. Then 8 miles. Then 11 miles. I remember my first hike with elevation gains that truly challenged me. I remember going to one place in May and thinking it was the hardest one I’d done and when I returned in August it was somehow easy. I learned how to read trail blazes and routes. I learned where to push myself and where to enjoy it. I ran uphill and downhill; over haggard rocks and deeper roots. Many times, I stumbled and fell, but got back up every time. I was muddy, sweaty, bloody, and buggy… for a lifelong flat-lander I was climbing higher than I ever had before and I can’t wait to climb even higher.

I met people I never would have before…. at first I kept to myself. Only smiling, never talking. But eventually I felt comfortable enough to speak, because hey, I belonged out there too. I helped a mother get through a trail with her energetic kids. I helped lost hikers find their way and families get to landmarks. Some of it was just chatter. Some of it downright philosophical. I felt the energy out there, positivity and peace. I can only hope people I spoke to remember me the way I remember them.

This journey was for ME. No one was going to walk these miles on my behalf or tell me I needed to finish them. Many times it was just me and my thoughts out there, imagining other worlds and words and ghosts of the past… There was no monetary gain. No medals. No praise. What I learned about myself and what I am capable of is something I can hold onto for the rest of my life.

You can make your journey matter. Even if it is the smallest of ways. Even if it is inconvenient for those around you, if it matters to you, never stop working for it. You are the only one who can take those steps. Live and leave your mark.

Robyn